Feeling Futile

There's an air of discomfort in the, well, air around you. It's like a mosquito sucking the blood out of your neck. You're draining but you're not going to realise it until you've been drained. The kill is just around the corner and today is not going to be your lucky day.

Random. What's with all the depression around here? I have friends who feel that we as designers (or at least we, as design learners) all seem to be sour in life. I agree, I've been getting a similar feeling since the day I got here. For one, I've become a complete cynic. I can't take you seriously anymore. I can't take anything seriously any more. And I've become far more irritable than ever.
Life was so much better when it didn't make any sense.

No, don't get me wrong. I'm not depressed. And if I am, then you can give me your crap that I'm in denial. But I'm not. There is this feeling, however... A innate sense of futility. Innate from the rebirth I underwent over here. It's quite stupid because I get inspired to do things in life and it subsides with the sunset everyday. Fuck. I need something that lasts over here. Nothing lasts.

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But then again life is so beautiful and I'm discovering it's beauty in almost everything nowadays. I need to stay away from this, this drainage of cerebral matter called a computer. It's a limit to my world and it's desire to expand.

Anyway. Listen to 'mae' on myspace (or if you can get their CD). They're awesome. I'm falling for them. It's different.

Damn, there are things I want to do right now. I need some motivation. I'm going to go out for a smoke.